My thoughts were imploding—you’re reading this because I couldn’t hold them anymore.

Ciao, Sono a Bologna

I didn’t buy the keyboard, so I’m writing from my laptop.
It’s uncomfortable, unusual 
I only write on my tablet 
but the urge got too big.

I want to write.
To dream.
To fly.

I’ve had so many realizations, so many introspections,
that I swear I’ll explode with butterflies if I don’t let them out.
So eccomi.
I’m here.
Writing.
Feeling.
Being.

What do I want to write today?

Since the last time...early November, more than a month ago
I’ve been carrying something important inside me.
And now it needs to breathe.

Lately I keep seeing posts saying:
“Do it for the little you.”
Maybe it’s a trend.
This idea of thinking about our younger selves
what they wished for,
what life made us forget,
what dreams we tossed aside because someone told us to “grow up.”

And I realized something simple and radical:

I refuse to grow up. Forever.

I don’t want to be normal.
I don’t want anything that doesn’t bring me real fulfillment.
I want to be weird.
Strange.
Unapologetic.

And I made the conscious decision that my life
will not be a straight road with a tidy destination.

The destination? Insanity 

I want to try every dream I ever had.

DJ? Why not.

Photographer? Obviously.

Designer? Getting my degree soon.

Crazy person? Already experienced.

I don’t want to become nothing and no one.
I want to become all of them—at the same time.

I refuse, again and again, to conform.
And I’m lucky enough to have found a way to support myself
while making childish decisions every day.

I want to dream.
To be.
To love.
To live wildly.
I want to try everything.

The little girl in the mirror

What did the little me want?
To dance.
She danced in front of the mirror day and night.
So I will give that to her.

It doesn’t matter if you start your childhood dream in your 30s, 40s, 50s
whatever.
All that matters
is that you start.

Don’t let the little girl down.
Remember her..
how she dreamed,
how she moved,
how she believed.

I follow this incredible woman whose childhood dream was to design clothes.
She recently broke through and wrote about her younger self:
“I kept my promise. Now we are building the empire.”

KASAI will be a name you all will know.

And you think I’m too late to start a dance career?
Wrong.
I couldn’t care less.
Never is too late.

I will follow all my dreams.
Every single one.

At the end of my life…

I want to feel like a child after a long day of playing 
to say:
“Wow. I played it all. I tried it all.”

Tell me honestly - and mostly tell yourself honestly:
Who will care?

Your parents have expectations 
but if you choose to be a cheerleader, a dancer, an actor, a painter
so what?

It amazes me how people don’t understand
that we only get one shot at this.

I panic about it every day.

So yes, I will be a fucking freak.
I will make art.
Make love with art.
Do it again and again
until I can’t dance anymore,
until my bones are heavy,
until all I can do is close my eyes
and smile at the silly memories I made.

I want to be an old lady
with the soul of a child.
Full of stories no one has time to hear
but some will stop, and listen.

I will write them.
I will carve my place in this world.
And I will leave it smiling
knowing I took dance classes until I was too old to move,
knowing I never fit in,
knowing I felt alone so many times,
but never—not once—did I give up on my journey:

To fulfill
all
my dreams.

No matter how stupid they sounded.
They were mine.
And I promised that little girl.

She had so much hope.
So many dreams.
Remember you, when you were small
What did you desire?
What are you afraid of?

Say it out loud.
Let us hear it.
We are here to support you.

The more freaks we are,
the more we find each other.
We all are.
We just hide, pretend—
for what?
For who?

Let’s cut the bullshit

I want to write.
And dance.
And make love.
Until I transcend into nonexistence.
Until I become stardust.
Until I am nothing
and everything
at the same time.

Until I am consumed
into my last beat.

I hope you realize this sooner rather than later:

The world is yours.

Enjoy it, my friend.
Feel everything.
Suffer everything.
It’s all part of the deal.

Love.
Make.
Cry.
Do it all with your true self.

Be honest—
with you,
with others,
with your heart.

And maybe that’s all we can ever do in this strange, beautiful life—
to listen to the whisper that grows into a scream,
to honor the pressure inside before it cracks us open.

This is Raw Complexity.
This is me, choosing to live loudly,
before silence swallows the dream.